Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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