I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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