**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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