I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
