Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize