her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
