dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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