all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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