i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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