just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
