I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Randomize
