Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
