So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I supernannyed him into submission
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