My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
