yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
