I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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