Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize