just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
