Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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