Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
