so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
