when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
