i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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