I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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