Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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