theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
