she woke up with a sticky ear
the condom got lost in my hair
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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