turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
