I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
