Swine flu. Run for my life!
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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