I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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