I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
