he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I checked into jail on foursquare
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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