Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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