Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
