I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
