You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
