in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
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I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
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No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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