sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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