Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize