i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
