he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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