And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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