I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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