I molested 6 butterflies tonight
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
