Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
