i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize