Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
