seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
