3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
