if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
