The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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