I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
