After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
