don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
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I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
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Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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