Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Pants are for mortals
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
