OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
