weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
