I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
