Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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