dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
