I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
