omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
