If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
