so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
