I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
