just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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