HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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