What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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