is your mom at the bar?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
