I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
